Jon just got arrested by the quesadilla police
What?!?
What I actually meant, is I had a quesadilla, and Jon got arrested by the real police
he was humming party in the usa while we were having sex.
my mom just emptied my water bottle filled with vodka into the turtle tank.
went for icecream. accidentally deepthroated it. my mom gave me a dirty look, but the kid behind the counter looked impressed
I think im drinking tonight later on...which is good cuz i walked pass the liquor aisle the other day and i swear i heard a kid call me a pussy
If you try to operate on me with a Bic pen and vodka, I'm never talking to you again
Sometimes he has weird facial hair...Basically he has a penis... that's what he's got going for him.
Waking and baking in my bathtub. In a giant sweater. And no pants. This is going to be the best 420 ever.
I'll probably regret it tomorrow. But right now, accepting this $2000 credit card so that I can finance booty calls from across the united states sounds like a golden idea.
I'm ordering a large vanilla ice cream with rainbow sprinkles so when I vom tonight it will look like lisa frank dolphins in acid trip colors
Why can't burritos get me drunk
I just spent so much time grooming my landing strip and like, sex isn't even on the agenda tonight.
Well I'm trying out this whole "not sleep with a stranger thing"
That's silly... just silly. And by silly I mean unrealistic.
the party picked up after I got pretty drunk...I got kicked in the fucking head by a tiny lesbian...she was 5'1" I did not think she could do it...i was very wrong
does anyone know where bryan is?
last i saw he was naked, and crying in the bathroom because there was no more booze.
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