those bitches were sniggering at my man-pris like they were goddesses of fashion!
...dude i pray you are quoting something, someone, anyone...
My number went up to seventeen today. I forgot to add my random hookup on a sailboat.
do herpes really smell.
I miss seeing your mom and dad at church, well mostly just your mom... She used to hug my face into her boobs.
Congratulations, you have helped solved the mysterious disapperance of Dani's phone which was found in the munchies cabinet next to the oreos. Your reward is star power as well as a fat ass bowl of Nebula. You may proceed through the wardrobe and into Narnia for your prize.
its the kind of night you break several limbs and say you were lucky
we all thought you were asleep. he found you an hour later sitting outside in the snow lighting a bowl, singing the CatDog theme song, and hugging a box a Franzia.
My doctor actually said I was suffering from an "acute hangover" in doctor's note I asked him for....what a douche
Sangria Flip Cup was probably one of our worse drunken decisions
Apparently she "missed me" and the only logical solution was to fuck my brother.
We are making a pool on how long he stays sober this time you want in?
Someone left a middle school yearbook here. I recognized one kid from banging his mom last year.
Update: drank half a bottle of Bourbon and texted three ex's. Waiting for the roommates to go to sleep so I can raid the fridge.
Okay. So did I kiss you last night? I know that I made out with someone. Or a few someones. But I'm pretty sure that I made out with you. Was that real life?
Remember those two guys in our frat that would no homo everything? I just got an invitation to their wedding.
Randomize
