VAGINAS EVERYWHERE
they're staring at me
Some broad at the bar just asked me how much money I make. I don't know whats worse, the question or the answer.
I just found out I was conceived in a rehab facility... that's better than finding out your dad could be someone else right?
I come up with the best drinking games while babysitting
obviously you don't know the college version of myself. if there's something i'm ALWAYS willing to put up for it's alcohol.
The twins are whispering in turkish together. I think I did something bad last night.
Do you think making a dress out of an "Open" flag that my friend stole from a bar, and wearing it out sends the wrong message? ....Or exactly the right message?
We found you in the middle of the road chucking gravel because "the house was too far away".
Quick question: how do I take a nice picture of my ass? I'm asking you because I figure with an ass like yours you're probably experienced.
I said "I am wrapped in the Cocoon Of Comfort! You should go." He started to argue and I yelled "COCOON OF COMFORT!!!" silencing him
Now I'm ashamed that I wore a bra
I told her to not worry about it. Lone Star is an excellent first trimester beer.
I told him he looked like my uncle.
Why would you say that in a bathtub?
Can you confirm that you aren't dead?
Oh my god my purse is too heavy for me to dance with boys cause it has too many stolen sink faucets in it
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