Guess what I'm doing tomorrow?
Becoming a productive member of society?
Sam. Come on.
i'm 67% sure he was trying to sing in hawaiian
Where can I buy a trophy for a Groupie Award?
She had sex with a merch guy. . . band guys make you groupies, Merch guys just means she's easy.
if i actually bought condoms for every time i had sex, i could single handedly fix the economy
He was streaking. We were hammered. We had roman candles. It only made sense to shoot them at him.
she's throwing things again.. almost stabbed herself in the eye with a fork.
The night took a downhill turn when he started using a butter knife as a spoon to drink his cosmo
Drinking games this Saturday as usual although the ice cube tray game is banned due to last weeks incident
Im breaking out the trunk vodka tonight, its been aged to perfection.
I see you met someone special
I say that because you at one point were like a mama spider covered with baby spiders only you were a man covered with strippers.
So how'd the job interview go?
well turns out the guy interviewing me was a regular at the strip club where i used to work. Talk about awkward
Giant stained glass jesus is judging my black pleather pants
When is the right time to ask your new roommate for her school schedule so she doesn't walk in on you fucking some rando in the kitchen in the middle of the afternoon?
I think i should either cut my hair or buy a dildo.
Southwest doesn't have zingzang bloody Mary mix. I'm gonna file a complaint with the FAA
Randomize
