I wish I could teleport
Knee deep in strippers, everything is comped. will try hard to be there at 8. i promise.
i've never seen someone fall down the steps so gracefully... i think im in love
Wine smoothie.... Not as good as I thought it would be
We went to red robin and there was a 15 minute wait so we went and fucked in the car. Quickies, endless fries, and a mascot handing out balloons- this is literally the night of my dreams.
the vast amounts of cleavage i'm sporting to my final says "no, I didn't study but don't worry I've got something lined up for when I don't graduate".
I may puke in class so I'm excited to see how that goes
Your dress got me laid by one of Obama's Secret Service members. Patriotic duty, check.
Is it weird that the girl he dated after me had a child with him and it has my name? I think it means he's not over me. Or I'm really self absorbed...
Its so bad though\nOur relationship has gotten to the point where im posing nude with a swiffer
To be honest, waking up to 20 naked people in my house was not the weirdest thing to happen to me in the past 24 hours
She helped me out of the car and i face planted into the snow.....and just stayed there and took like a 30 min nap.
I don't know how guys can take themselves seriously when they see themselves naked
Day drunk. He was sitting in the back seat, opened the door, leaned out, and peed right there in the dutch bros drive through. No one even noticed haha
Look don't ask questions just know that one thing led to another and I have a shot glass stuck in my ass. I need your help!!!
Randomize
