i miss you so much
i miss you too
oops, did i send that to you? i meant to send it to the money you owe me
So I purposely left a bunch of metal in my pockets so that the smokin hot TSA officer would give me a pat down. Airport security just got fun
It was the gentlest way I could hit on a girl who just got hit by a car
Oh my god my life; so much cake and so little sex
As a matter of fact you told me i fulfilled your "woodshop teacher fantasy"
I just sat through a State Farm mortgage Insurance commercial to watch a Trick Daddy video. Is this the target audience they are going for here?
its like accelerated beer pong for children.....we train champions young
The jerky fairy visited my fridge. It's glorious.
I definitely made out with a high school student last night while his sister and my brother were in the same room. I think we're all traumatized by the situation.
I whispered "you're doing a great Job" when he was fucking me. Then high fived him.
I have a surprise for you guys
What is it?
A MOTHER FUCKING SURPRISE DON'T ASK QUESTIONS
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO GET MY FUCKING CUPCAKES WHEN THE GROUNDSWORKER I HOOKED UP WITH IS LOITERING IN THE VENDING AREA
I smoked all his weed and he hasn't noticed yet. But I might need a place to crash when he does
I woke up beside him and almost cried. Then I realized you were on the other side so I knew I hadn't made any bad decisions.
Met a beautiful Irishman two nights in a row. I may never come back.
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