brad dismisses pussy with prejudice
And you kept hanging up and calling back because you thought I wasn't greeting you properly.
still haven't packed clothes. only wine. gotta love spring break
happy birthday! Any relationship between us is now officially illegal.
his fiance had made him a calendar of pictures of her. he asked if he should take it down and i said no. i wanted her to watch.
How did you get the entire couch up on it's side and into the bathroom?
I was a battlefield of empty bottles and bodies. We though we won, but the booze had the last laugh.
The spark has left our relationship. i used to make slightly inflammatory jokes at you. you would retaliate in jest. look at this. look at what is happening here.
I am trying to take a picture of a man in a wheelchair trying to ship a michael jackson portrait
I hopped in a random dudes car outside the strip club at 3pm on a Sunday and said "Follow that car!"
Nothing is working I'm going to die alone and on hold with a State Farm representative
Since when do you jog?
Since hot shirtless guy that lives across the street jogs
Ok sry I left that ambiguous......did you want contact solution or fellatio?
You put a bag of sliced onions in the microwave then screamed, "voila, onion rings!"
Nothing says I'm doing some sketchy shit like coming out of your bedroom with your underwear inside out
Randomize
