It's not littering; it's giving birds nest building suplies. Besides, birds love soy sauce and plastic forks.
Dude I thought this was going to suck, but moving back in with my dad is like being at a frat party every night only everyone is 40 years old.
It was the gentlest way I could hit on a girl who just got hit by a car
you thought your balls were fighting each other...
At one point I went looking for you and found you handcuffed to a chair. I'm pretty sure you handcuffed yourself. I don't know how you got there.
I got pulled into the conversation by "she sleeps with everybody" then "she" involved sleeping with "cocks the size of a viva burrito"
You are a magnificent human being. I love you from head to toe. This wine is DELICIOUS.
Safe to say I'm terrified but totally AMPED
no joke- she just sprinkled parmesan cheese into her champagne and slurred "I just need a little snack"
Nothing worse then being at the gym on the elliptical next to a guy looking at porn on his phone
So to add to headbutting the microwave while waiting for my hot pockets to cook. I apparently told both bartenders earlier in the night I was going to fuck them both. I hate black out drunk me..
Just thought of the perfect gift for mom.... how about not telling her about my fourth open intoxicant ticket I got last night?
Go have fun. I'm gonna go shower off the regret.
He couldn't give me an orgasm, but he did give me a UTI.
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