i feel rough
just turned on the light, there is blood EVERYWHERE.
omg, I know. It's so embarrassing that we've both had his penis in parts of our bodies
Hey a mouth doesn't really count. A vagina counts more.
New requirements. My future husband must have a nose ring and wear headbands.
We are no longer friends.
when a 14 year old is judging you, you know you've had too much to drink
I'm so high I just tried to eat a hair tie thinking it was one of my pretzels.
You dont understand he had a split tongue thats bucket list worthy.
He likes Jesus. Game over.
Oooh wait, he just told me he was high.
She was our DD the least I could do is have sex with her. Even when drunk I'm still chivalrous.
Just found out that his ringtone for me is a train blowing bc and I quote 'I know when you call I'm getting laid'
I puked and rallied in front of a cop...and then waved at him....
Well, he hasn't actually seen me naked. Just my boobs... and the left side of my vagina.
He's balder, I'm skinnier. I win. I. Win.
he said he was going to fuck me like a rabbit in heat. What he should have said was faster then a train and over before a commercial
Being an adult can't be all bad. I just took a vacation day solely to sit around and get stoned
What are you feeling right now?
Idk. I just flashed a porch 🤷🏼♀️
So not in the best place to do an emotional inventory
Randomize
