i can't believe i had a foursome before a threesome
I hope my liver is having as much fun as I am
Is it bad that John just came to my work to have sex with me bc I felt bad that he slept on his porch last night locked out and I missed all his calls?
Ohmy god im about to fuxk my TA. i thyought this was a dream but i love you. <3
"too many" and "free shots" never belong in the same sentence
I had to have my mom pick me up from the party and the windows lock was on so when I went to projectile vomit out the window it wouldn't roll down and it splashed back at my face.
You kept showing the cop the bruises on the bottoms of your feet and claiming you were a medical mystery.
Okay hun. Well my neighbors haven't called the cops yet so I think we're good. No more burning in the yard.
I just want you to know that I am dancing around my apartment by myself singing Taylor Swift into a wine bottle. Do hurry.
It's 4 am here and I just vomited myself awake....Not rising OR shining any time soon
While he was at a job interview yesterday, I was dropping acid. So that's the aesthetic of our relationship rn.
I accepted my type is not "conventionally attractive" when she asked me "Him? Are you sure?" 5 times in front of him last night
he was snoring so I have him a bj to wake him up and then told him he had to leave.
He is a real estate investor who’s face I’m going to sit on.
I am drunk and aggressive about the olympixs
It's spelled Olympics
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