you made me watch la bamba, and then you yelled at me for disrespecting your mexican heritage.
smell my finger.
i may or may not have puked on your loofa in the shower.
So, you didn't have time to come pick me up but you did have time to get plastered and then write "champagne money" on every one of my statuses for the past month?
I need to figure out what I wanna do with my life.
There are margaritas in the freezer still.
Leave it to him to get us kicked out of a bar for hitting on an 80 year old woman. I want to be that wasted one day.
I just had a boat ride of shame. With Senior Citizens.
There's a big bag of salt and vinegar chips and a Budweiser for when you wake up. Don't say I never did anything for you.
We can't be fuck buddies. You stare into my eyes while we fuck.
I just held a marble with my kegel muscles for 5 min. You may call me COCKCLAMP 9000!!!!
FYI you are now my emergency contact at plan parenthood
Say whatever you bloody well like; you don't know the true meaning of life until you have smoked to a Sade cd.
How do I figure out the name of this sleeping naked guy in my bed?
We're meant to be. Apparently God wants me to get dicked down pretty good too so I'm not complaining about destiny
Well, I turned down sex again. This is guy #5 in the past 2 weeks. My vagina is going to seek emancipation.
Randomize
