im pretty sure i tried to attack the vending machine last night
lol who won
well im in the hospital right now so u tell me
I have got to lose weight!! Apparently no one wants to fuck a fat chick with herpes.
Some one left their pants in the elevator.
Walk of Shame'd halfway down a mountain, skiiers passing. Do not drink with lifties at the end of ski season.
Why i have shady connections. Owner just txt me asking to come by and judge the new stripper.
Climbing out Mr. Friday night's bathroom window. He thinks I'm puking. Be on state st. with the getaway car and if you could bring me a shirt and some advil that'd be dandy.
So proud. See you in five. I've got coffee.
I apparently used the line "I'm a bouncer too so i would know if I were too drunk" then they asked me to leave.
She is dumping me if she doesn't get a ring by Valentines. So one more month of free sex and it will be back to the right hand.
She was nothing like her profile said, we had nothing in common, and her picture mustve been like 30 pounds ago. But yeah we hooked up
there’s plenty of nice guys out there with good jobs and NO felonies!
I just want him to go down on me while I eat a burger. Is that too much to ask?
For a second I thought that you were becoming a decent person again. I am glad I was wrong.
all im saying is 27 is too old to still be drinking 40s, you make more money than me, buy some decent shit
screw you you golddigging beer snob
I woke up with my winter coat on, next to a polaroid of me, her and a swan...so no I don't remember our conversation.
I'll tell you all about it in person but let's just say the big dick fairy must really like me right now
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