Please don't call me names while I'm carrying your child.
clearly I should have checked to see if he was an NRA member before I went back to his house and woke up in Heston's haven.
on the way home the dog started throwing up her bone in the car..so naturally i started to puke too
You came back with puke all over your sweatshirt and started doing darth vader impressions
I took a bird feeder and filled it with alka-seltzer. Can you say fireworks?
It' a whole new level of walk of shame. I'm carrying his sheets since I have a washer/dryer.
It's like playing clue with my own life. I have to piece together what I did, where I was, how I did it, and who I did it to
before we left she put a post-it on the floor next to the toilet saying she was a pretty pretty princess
Congratulations, your dick has been selected to participate in my birthday sex. Please reply with a response.
Do I have a choice?
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yo btw licking skeptical coke off table right now
Going through Bojangles drive thru chanting "KFC" hammered at 8:00 was the highlight.
I got into a fight with the dude who fell asleep on my couch bc he wouldn't wake up but managed to get a lunch date set for thurs with another guy by the time he finally left. So how's your day so far?
She may be more beautiful than I am, but I bet she hasnt pissed in as many public places as me...
Its like people have to train for months before they try and drink with us and survive...
scotch tastings during the week is a baaad idea. i woke up w no pants but wearing my winter coat
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