We are brilliant. We call it the pint walk. Killing a pint of vodka while we walk from cleveland park to dupont. just making mama proud
if i see another status about New Moon, i'm gonna punch a baby
I know you didn't add your TWO random hook ups from the weekend to your FB friends AND change your status to "Good Catholic Girl" on the same day.
Just got blown on the bus in front of abot 20 ppl. Lots of high fives.
I'm in the liquor aisle and a 10 yr old boy yells, "My favorite beer is Corona! Daddy remember when you gave me some on our camping trip?"
She got a text from her mom saying "you better not sleep with him, we all know how he is". IV ONLY BEEN HERE A WEEK
How do you explain to a guy that he's like a little puppy dog that you play with, but then leave at the shelter to go home to your German Shepard?
Should I tell this TSA agent his fly is down while he is trying to hit on this chick?
Its 8 in the morning and I wouldn't pass a breathalyzer test, How's your day been?
you called me drunk last night to talk about summoning sex demons with magic WTF
We were fucking in the back of my truck and no joke a skunk came up and sprayed us. How am I supposed to explain this to my parents
It's been 12 hours since I have heard from you and social media has given me no indication you are anything but dead, so that's what I'm going with.
I mean, I was expecting a little more coke snorting and a little less kids and cake
He literally ejaculated and I hit Uber
totally just bought a bottle of gin with nothing but change
don't ever let anyone tell you that youre not 100% class
Randomize