i fell asleep last night with fifteen animal crackers in my mouth. rock bottom dude.
I'm pregaming with America's Best Dance Crew.
Do a shot everytime Lil' Mama mispronounces a word.
All of my current injuries can be related back to sex.
I can't remember much about walking home last night. I think I kicked a dog.
She broke up with him yesterday after she cheated on him. He's going a bachelor party next weekend. How has Homeland Security not raised the threat level?
Don't do anything you wouldn't want to explain to paramedics
But that's half the fun of it
See this is why people shouldn't jump into marriage. See what type of drunk you're engaged to first.
Because once my penis is in motion, it stays in motion unless another force acts upon it.
Just spent the equivalent of my life savings in the liquor store. This is going to be a good weekend
Can you bring me a corn dog or something shaped like one?
A guy with a mustache poured a beer down your throat while you had a crippled boy named Sunshine riding your back
Oh wow and I have a bunch of portable wine glasses called to go coffee cups
I thought you died. Don't forget it's burger night.
I ate 2 pot cookies before we left the house. Fuck Pokemon. I'm playing my own game.
My hands smell like vagina and ham.
Randomize
