just got waxed at a place I havent been to in a while
woman didnt remember me then in the middle of waxing she announced that she just didnt recognize my face
I meant the "stage" gay, Not the "bend me over and call me Gary" gay.
you were so drunk you slurred your pauses
I called him Han Solo during sex, he looked at me like he was mortified then I realized he came.
I just don't get it. Video games don't suck his dick.
I'm sorry I kept calling last night when you wouldn't pick up. I'm REALLY sorry I sang "You Oughta Know" on more than 4 voice mails.
Is "blowjob enthusiast" a bad costume?
Are you pissed because you didn't get action, or the fact i got boned twice in public places tonight?
Just realized I have to keep sleeping with him... those scars from drunk sex on the 4th of July are still on my back and lord knows I'm not about to explain that to another guy.
You're an asshole. I don't want your dick as my background. I'll look like I have a thumb fetish.
This is kind of a weird question but were you the other girl Ben asked to do a group sex thing with?
Going to put that on my resume. "Only accidentally snapchatted my titties to all of my friends once."
Twist bend and done? Jesus that sounds like a seventh grade hand job.
I woke up in a cornfield to shouting, a bottle of Jim Beam, and a bunch of mc muffins. If this doesn't scream Illinois, idk what does.
Slept with a member of the band last night, found out today after extensive stalking he’s engaged. Pro tip: don’t research one night stands.
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