You are a beautiful, beautiful young lady. Your heart is made of tissue, blood and love. I will call you very soon, Princess Sophia.
can't come. weird drunk guy passed out on couch. long story, tell u later.
wtf. wake him up, call him a cab, get over here!
i just want to make sure he doesn't die. or rob me. plus it's facinating, he's faceplant on the arm of my sofa.
Tell her she can't have a vagina
never. drinking. again.
lets not get ahead of ourselves.
I think the best way to start out any day is to watch 80's music videos. It's like visual wheaties.
He picked me up for our 1st date and saw my roommate crying on the floor Fabreesing her vagina...
I was talking to some girls while you were falling off your bar stool into the person next to you.
I hooked up with a 20 year old last night. I feel like a hocus pocus witch that sucked life from a child.
I am pretty damn sure that neither my body or his body is ready for how drunk I am getting tonight
Your boyfriend and I are bonding over your giant dick.
It is officially Christmas time in Chicago. There's a drunk hobo on the CTA singing the first 2 lines of Frosty the Snowman over and over and over.
I thought it was pretty weird, but after the marinating loins thing, i figured i'd roll with it.
Honestly, I want an afternoon of mild abuse, mixed with face fucking and general molestation that turns in love making, laughter and cinnamon toast crunch naked in bed.
well you did quote socrates while playing beer pong and then proceeded to fall down
No. I'm home alone and 100% dickless. I hate my life.
Randomize
