Did I miss anything?
A gay irish pirate, a caveman and hunter s tompson.
so we also did drugs
a lot of self evaluation comes after you have to clean up a trashcan of your own vomit and condoms
I had five suicidal voicemails from him when I woke up this morning. They all started and ended with "DON'T FUCK MY ROOMMATES".
It was only one, it doesn't count.
I guess I gave him a 20 minute play-by-play of the first three sections of R. Kelly's 'trapped in a closet.'
was this before of after we tobbganned into that tree?
it's kinda bad that we're already planning travel arrangements to his funeral
Ugh I just wanna make an announcement like: Attention high school classmates: if we haven't spoken in 5 years, we don't need to start now. Please be on your way
Hey. My eyes swollen shut and I can't find my shoes. How was your night?
I told him I tried to eat a stranger's sandwich while I was drunk. Mildly disappointed but he realizes he has me for a kid.
Dude come to her party. Someone just took a body shot of rubbing alcohol
just wanted to eat pizza off his dick so he let me and he can never forget it
Sarah was butt-chugging wine and diarrhea'd all over the wall
Can I get my morals surgically removed?
Guess who just stumbled into work hungover, wearing yesterday's clothes, covered in hickeys and glitter, and carrying a giant bottle of rum in her purse.
I just took plan B at work.
This is the greatest story of all time.
He licked me while I ate pretzels and chips. I was really living my best life.
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