Alarm just got pulled in my exam
Swear it wasn't me
i think i would be more confident if i were chinese.
Apparently the guard had to repeat "you're too drunk to get in" three times before I understood. I guess he was right.
guy at the corner shop gets out a bottle of tequilla and a pack of malboro light whenever he sees me through the door. makes me feel loved and cared for
i knew it was going to be a good night when i was bleeding, licked it and it tasted like miller light
he got a rim job in the basement.
apparently i was the one who gave it to him.
No, i will not have sex with him again. It felt like he was trying to bulldoze his way through me. My vagina is on strike.
I am making it a rule that only people I am comfortable around enough to not have to put a bra on are allowed for Sunday funday. I think that's a good rule for someone who started drinking alone at noon while everyone else here sipped their coffee.
LET US USE OUR GENITALS TO CELEBRATE THIS VICTORY
Diet Starts Tomorrow! Guy from McDonalds asked if I got a new car...
One minute we were ordering sandwhiches. The next hes peeing in a trash can yelling at kids about how tv made him this way
I think this Canadian beach volleyball player might be my soulmate. We could check each other's shoulders for melanoma.
Honestly after an incomprehensible political rant yoga seems like the best option at 2 am
I just realized I have a habit of pre gaming for therapy visits. Problem?
We'll discuss it when you get here
I think I fucked the doubts about us out of him
Randomize
