he just told me about his fetish for rubbing grape jelly on his penis.
As a driver I hate pedestrians, and as a pedestrian I hate drivers, but no matter what the mode of transportation, I always hate cyclists.
Let's just say there's a reason that "suede" rhymes with "laid".
Thanks for the ave Maria song you left on my phone that lasted for TEN minutes.
She's "threw gas on the fire to put it out" drunk. Come retrieve ur gf. Ps she smells like burnt hair
Had to. She was getting married in 2 days & her vag was having a close out sale. You know I love a good bargain.
You were telling the cab driver that you believe in him and just to follow his dreams
I also think about what hot dudes penises are gonna look like when theyre 80 and it's not pretty
There should be a company that sends nadgrams. They're like candy grams except the recipient gets kicked in the balls.
And think got sick again from going outside naked. Word to all females...don't try the naked trench coat thing.
Dude we both faced 40s of steel reserve which is like saying, "Hey, I'm a complete piece of shit!"
The Universe is CLEARLY playing a bad joke on your sex life
I just want to lay in a bed of egg mcmuffins and cry
What happens if you die with an erection? Does it stay hard? Disclaimer: I'm high.
I sent him a tex saying, "I thought my intentions were clear" drunk me has some balls.
Randomize
