Wanted to apologize for chris browning you when you were on my computer.
would you ever date a girl who drove an 89 Chrysler LeBaron? - for the record it's a convertable
Xanax induced break ups are the best. Since I'm a professional fiancee, I'm going to break up with them on Xanax from now on. It didn't hurt one tiiiiiny bit.
yup put them legs up on your shoulders and eat her like some folgers
eat her like coffee?
I find it ironic that im starting my birth control on mothers day.
Just found pics of us from Mardi Gras last year. Your boob job really is better than mine.
Well fuck that. I mean, I made out with my cousin once. Who gives a fuck.
You told me if you could get your shoes on, you deserved a coke and rum. We never made it to the party.
Are you feeling okay?
Right now, not a single thing feels even slightly okay. That hungover.
He asked me if I remembered touching his police badge. awk.
it's just weird to think of you as a teacher since ive seen you throw up raspberry bacardi in my parents house
It's like the first time your mom catches you masturbating. We both know what she saw. We're just not talking about it...
It's not Christmas until you get a photo from an ex wearing a Santa hat and red boxers... And then you just respond with, "nope."
Your liver needs more exercise - we start training tonight.
I JUST WANT TO SIT IN MY UNDERWEAR AND WATCH THE BRAVES GAME AND NOT BE CONSTRAINED BY MY ED SHEERAN SHORTS
Randomize
