If she didn't want me to pass out in her bathroom, then she shouldn't have such a furry rug in there
i woke up surrounded by junior mints. not to mention, there was a huge pyramid of natty cans baracading the door shut. this is why i can't drink alone.
He was in a gay KY jelly commercial. Jew male model. Reasons not to sleep with him. Go.
I vomited in the sink and my bra was in there...I don't even have words to describe this hangover confusion
I just realized i came back home with my lei that one night. How do i forget my bra but remember my lei?
we need to drink more beer. the fridge wont close.
it took me 20 minutes to get her upstairs... she crawled under a car and wouldn't come out.
She had another shot and asked if I wanted to taste her tongue ring. Then I helped her pee.
And for some reason I just want to have sex with EVERYTHING
I'm looking for mother nature. And when I find her, I'm looking her right in the eyes and telling her to fuck off.
Check having sex on the rocks and dirt on the peak of saddleback mountain off my list.
I felt like a god.
Dude I woke up and he was pissing in the corner on his clothes... I called his name an he replied " I got this" and continued.
Btw "you gettin a workout in" isn't a great gym pickup line. Like no I'm fucking grabbing lunch on my way to class.
What even was the context for that. All I have written down is "I would vote for President SnakeJaw."
I'm watching Netflix with my cats and eating homemade bread. Everyone and everything can go and fuck itself.
Randomize
