Sandwiches eeeeeeverywhere.
I just drove by a church. On the sign out front was written 'crocodile cock'. On both sides.
No. You are not the Kate in this relationship. I will do what I want.
I'm still amazed at how you managed to puke in every plant on the whole top floor at the mall without a single person noticing and without missing a step.
you woke me up just to tell me that I was beautiful in every way possible. Then you proceeded to fall asleep with your mouth on my boob.
I walked in on you rubbing your nose all over his face while straddling him and yelling "I'M SO SORRY!" repeatedly. I'd say you were in pretty good shape at that point in the night.
Just threw up. It looks like I may have swallowed a cigarette.
I'm semi drunk. I just bought you penis moisturizer. Not kidding. Keep an eye out for the package. Merry Christmas.
I dont even think your gonna like what I got you for christmas. If not we can take it back and get drugs.
He rubbed my back afterwards. I forgot how to talk and I legitimately thought I was a cat for a few minutes.
Start warming up your vocal cords, because Fucking With The Windows Open season has arrived.
I think I should just be a madame. Fuck it.
I'm just gonna post fliers on telephone poles like, "who wantsta be a hooooooe?!"
One minute we were playing beer pong, and the next minute I was sprinting to my apartment with a watermelon. wtf happened in between?
I just need a big sign that says no more penis please hanging over my head at all times
tell me about the eggs
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