U know those big foam mats in the back gym for track?
ya, gonna go have sex there?
No I want one to have wings and pick me up and take me home
he puts the penis in happiness.
I didn't join FB to see my only child straddle that boy in all her pictures.
Taking jello shots out of a big bowl from a measuring spoon. holla atcha boy.
All I can tell you is you will need a rain slicker for tonight's festivities. Any clothes underneath would be highly frowned upon as well.
I legitimately sent him a storybook of naked pictures.
I'll pull you in a wagon. You'll have a sash and a crown on and we'll sing "All the Single Ladies"
Every time I get scared about the fact that I'm falling for him I remember that he juggles and is hung like a mastadon and everything is a-ok.
I want what they have, but in the meantime I have a whole bottle of rum to which I'm quite devoted
You kept asking the bartender if you could "buy a dollar".
Please tell me that I didn't call you to say I was swimming in outter space
Your boobs stole my birthday thunder!
Where does dick fit into Maslow's hierarchy of needs?
I wrote myself a note last night telling me to tell you that you're the best person ever, and asking you not to tell me what I did, I think I'm trusting my drunk judgment on that one.
i'm extremely hungover on the ski bus and the driver is playing abba. this. is. not. okay.
Randomize
