If I see one more duchette wearing Ed Hardy, but not actually having a real tattoo. I swear Im gonna shank a bitch.
If I die tonight, I want you to know that your sister is awesome in bed
So I just used shazaam to figure out a pairs figure skating song. I don't think I could get any gayer.
i want to swaddle you in tequila
i've really grown. sober me left an alarm for me every 10 minutes that said NO FAT CHICKS!
dude. im stealing that.
There's holes in the drywall and the beer pong table is a broken door on two barstools. You know they like to party.
do you want to shower with me?
only if we can drink the jungle juice while we shower
I'm shopping for Mother's Day cards while waiting for my herpes medication. What is life.
I made it to work. Still drunk. Definitely pregnant.
At least you didn't sleep with Ashley's uncle.
You shouldn't play strip poker when you're having a wet fart kind of day.
It's your birthday, you should get to jizz where you want to. Jizz when you want tooo
The first thing you did was give us a tour of the house and showed us who was "on-limits" and "off-limits"
Now I’m honestly wondering if I took this kids virginity
By the time we got to McDonald's you were sharing a Big Mac with a stripper.
Randomize
