saw "Pah-jure" lube. Thought of you. Wearing the same clothes to work tomorrow.
I stayed in, ate a pint of Hagen daas and watched a movie about aids. Soooooooo single.
dude i doubt hes gay
I CAUGHT HIM BEATING OFF TO MENS HEALTH!
he used the word "rubber" i just couldn't do it after that.
Remember when we did the egg drop from the Dyson building? Her vag is like that, except with a ham, and the ham doesn't make it. I'll be back to the apartment in ten.
I love Japanese schoolgirls with short skirts riding bikes on windy days.
You're never coming back, are you?
It was the first time I had seen his penis when it wasnt hard. It just looked so vulnerable and a little bit depressed.
i dont feel like going...you don't know how much work goes into getting my whore on
I'm glad the dog doesn't judge me for doing leftover lines and watching George of the Jungle at 10 am
The gym is handing out free condoms this week, motivation to work out this week?
its before 9am and ive already had to dip my dick and balls in a glass of milk. probably isnt a good sign for how today is going to go.
It's a delicate game of how much porn can I look at without the other interns noticing.
He ate the contents of an ashtray and didn't puke, I think he can handle drinking a fifth to himself.
Enroute to my place eta 6 mikes...estimated time until intoxicated? 45 mikes. Commence the timer.
Omg i got really stoned and used a makeup app on my grandma...well, I’m definitely not adopted
last night I learned that if you try to buy tacos in this town, that you will be stopped by three cop cars with breathalizers
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