I feel like I'm in dance class right now
Needless to say Beer Gardens severly frowns upon playing flip cups with real glasses.
i have absolutely no control over my now miserable and whore-ish lifestyle.
I ate a lot of your sunchips. I mean a lot. Like 4 to 5 bags.
his tattoo said carpe diem which i thought was ironic considering his epilepsy
He dated me before I started drinking. I feel like he deserves a consolation bj for all the effort he had to put in to get in my pants.
im already regretting the extreme lack of break up sex that took place
Hes still mad that I left the room mid-hookup to go get a pickle from the fridge.
Oh you're gonna love this story. I almost cut off a little girl's pony tail.
It's just not a Friday night unless I'm getting propositioned by a guy in a wheelchair via Facebook messenger...
Only you could make a stripper uncomfortable by eye fucking her too much.
If you need anything just hit me up
Pancakes
Noted.
Operation: 12 Dick pics of Christmas was a sweeping success, thanks for asking!
I'm on the couch watching HGTV googling giant boob Halloween costumes so life is swell
Don't mind me, I'm just walking 2 miles across campus with no jacket, covered in highlighter, and carrying a hair extension. Gotta love miami!
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