once she started licking the door on the stall, i got out of there and told her bf "this is your problem now" and walked away
Worst hangover of my career vs the return of the blue balls. Will keep updated
successfully started a charcoal grill with 2 shots of everclear and some aluminum foil. i never wanna leave here
Hey, umm this is awkward but I want to apologize in case you find gum in your pubes. Not sure if I swallowed it or spit it out. It's all a blur.
There is booty call etiquette, and he just isn't following it. I'm not making you breakfast, gtfo.
Taking my underwear off at work was one of my better decisions this weekend
And when I feel bad about myself I go to the library and suck my pen over an open book, counting the seconds until a guy sits across from me and tries to get my attention
I just had to break into my old house and steal my sex tape. Good times. How have you been?
I should not be allowed to be in possession of a fifth and a phone at the same time.
I think I'm still high. And I definitely still smell like lobster, so there's that
Bringing my cat to a booty call was not my finest hour
sorry I blacked out our whole relationship
It's 7am. I'm making pizza & watching the Matrix. I will not be bothered.
To answer your next question, yes, I'm drunk.
Stereotypically, lax bros last the longest, but have huge egos that are annoying. Baseball players barely last 10mins, but are really nice. And than we have soccer players, last long and have no egos. Me and my friends have collected our findings.
She got a boob job, dumped her husband, became a stripper, got a DUI in her Porsche and is now dating her lawyer
I’m making her my life coach if med school doesn’t work out
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