I made out with a fat chick last night in a hot tub... btw I am breaking up with you
She def said "you had your chance!" after telling me she had a boyfriend. Like a pile of dogshit lecturing me on how I missed out on having itself stuck to the bottom of my shoe.
During sex he wiggled his hips and said "I'm turning the ice cream" Deal breaker?
We couldn't even have sex we were both laughing so hard. I don't know how I feel about the quality of that weed.
i realized boys travel in groups of 3's and girls travel in 4's..thats why it gets so tricky
like hot dogs and buns.
He tipped the stripper with quarters. After that not even the waitress would talk to us. I had to move to another table to get a lapdance
well he got me up crazy early but i got pizza for breakfast and an electric blanket to sleep with sooo he passed the one night stand test.
BECAUSE THIS IS AMERICA AND DONUTS AND TITTIES AND ALCOHOL IS WHAT THIS COUNTRY WAS FOUNDED ON
You drunkenly hook up with 5 people in one night and suddenly everyone tries to party with you.
It's like my uterus was saying, "hey, you're not pregnant, but imagine if you were!"
I asked for a cup of water. They gave me tequila. They WANT ME TO DIE
I just got promised sex at a fire station tonight so basically all my porn star dreams are coming true.
I have peed in a lot of sinks
When we were fucking he called me by his moms name then after we were done told me to call him. He's not receiving a call... What if his mom picks up?
I may have passed out and puked all over the host's favorite couch, but three hours and a rip later, I was eating tiramisu in the bathtub with the birthday boy and a hot Italian.
Randomize
