His vagina is bleeding blood all over the court
you were crying because peter frampton wasnt your dad
Had a couple pieces of pizza for breakfast...suck on that Jamie Oliver.
I dont think he stole the pillow. I mean if he wanted a souvenir, my thong was on the nightstand.
Ok but if you die you have to get "I should've listened to Mike" carved into your tombstone
I may or may not have shit out a layer of my liver after that weekend.
Well on the plus side I have started adding benefiber to my bottle of wine
Seriously. My vagina. Can we talk about it? It's gonna jump off this treadmill and devour my trainer.
Yea i think drunk-me kept all my bar receipts, just to throw it in sober-me's face.
Well there is another shower in Nov. So I have three months to figure out how to get some drunk space fucking. May need some of your mead
there's a photo set of like seven dicks covered in glitter....i don't know what to do
I wanted to get all my legit stuff out, but then I decided I didn't trust drunk me with my own things
Good decision.
I just realized how terrible that was... I was drumming on your penis to a song about Baby Jesus.
I've officially slept with/dated two guys that have gotten tased. What the fuck is wrong with me
so how was it...?
sadly not as impressive as one might expect from a division one athlete. he lacked the stamina i had hoped for, and by lacked i do mean he fell asleep while he was still inside me. an epic wtf moment, i know.
Randomize
