pwbgyin
what?
penguin condom
I think east. Tornado watch. What the fuck are you doing in Texarkana?
Bonnaroo. Tornado watch? Expand on that thought.
Watch for tornadoes.
i feel like our whole relationship was one big acid trip
I wanna throw up and cum in that order
Matt. This is the manager of qdoba. Pick up the phone. Your friend needs you.
Chipotle. Because when you've had diarrhea for 6 days why not just make it 7
by the way whatever wisdom you imparted upon me last night was lost to whatever i smoked out of a beer can.
WTF? Why is there a pic of my tits in ur dad's office?
This is stupid. I am not getting knocked up from fucking in his backseat behind a starbucks. I refuse.
I still have a little drunk in my system
Oh my fucking god that cat looks just like you after you accidentally took Ketamine
Sorry my friend with benefits tried to run you over with his car
He's just been a dick since he set his face on fire. I just wanted to eat a fucking hot dog.
i had fun fun last night, with the exception of you running over my foot with your car. makes a great story for my first one night stand.
I gave her the last ten dollars to my name and bitch comes back with a six pack of bud light and a pack of sour patch kids
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