im drinking this country out of the recession.
Dude, you need to talk to your mom
wtf?
She just called and asked if i would be part of the intervention she's planning for you
Dude im not sure whos apartment i woke up in but i just showered here and their shampoo in phenomenal
im sure we could have fun without alcohol but i just dont wanna chance it...
Shut up. It sucks being the ugly friend, I would know, but someones gotta play the role
we have 69 mutual friends...i have to add her
You tried to poop in the sink last night.
Did my good deed for the day.. Helped an old guy hide his beer on the NJ transit while the ticket lady came by
Wanna hang out, and by hang out I mean go get plan B... and maybe lunch, but mostly plan b
Taking a shit on the side of the road is not how I imagined this morning would start.
I just spent 20 mins in the shower washing n rewashing my body to get rid of stripper. I even loofa'd my face.
NOLA update. Went to Corey Smith at the house of blues last night. Drank PBR and took lots of shots of Jack. Too drunk, cabbed it to the hotel and fell asleep while having sex. Not my finest moment. Now I'm in court. I can't wait to be your attorney.
Today, my weed came in a pokéball. I officially love my dealer.
Have you ever got so drunk that you tasted the future?
The salt made it so good this margarita is touching my soul. I swear I'm not high BUT I want elote in a cup with the insides of a shrimp taco. I think that would make my life complete.
Randomize
