I wish I had my old roomstes number so I could send him pictures from lastnight... I had a blast banging his "true love" now that I think about it we're even don't worry about that gas bill you didn't pay. Ur girl worked it off!
how are you gonna miss the world cup? other than the olympics it's our last way to assert our dominance over China after this economic bull shit
They nicknamed me the gargoyle. Sex with me is getting gargoyled. The last one I fucked yelled "gargoyle me" for dirty talk. I think fucking me is part of their pledging initiation. Somewhat OK with this.
she got kicked out of the bar for shoving german chocolate cake in the bartenders face. we were there less than a minute
I feel like if Miami and New Jersey fucked each other and produced a baby that would summarize the bar I'm in.
He's sitting in his room on Facebook with nothing but a pillow covering his crotch. I can't help you at the moment.
Walt said he was feeding me so I wouldn't die. that's why there was pasta in my room
I think the guy I was trying to dance with was an undercover cop...
Beer bonging to Ave Maria
He woke up in a dragon costume, covered in bong water. That was a party we will regret missing.
CRAIGSLIST IS NOT THE ANSWER
IM LONELY AND HORNY
Our friendship just got weirder. He snapchated me the porn he was watching.
It makes me so happy that my local liquor store has a black lab that is there every day. Really tho - it makes the higher prices excusable.
We gotta locate my vibrators and get them stashed away STAT
I asked what it takes to be a good delivery driver, my new boss said "always keep these in your vehicle" as he handed me a flashlight and a blunt. I'm going to like this job.
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