we should go somewhere reaaaaaal shady
Every time he makes fun of me for anything I just remind myself he ate ice cream out of a strippers vagina
just watched a girl laugh at her own fingers... it's not even noon...
Hey guys, just to let you know, I have a boyfriend...so that hookup was kind of a one time thing.
was that a mass text??
Things I woke up with this morning: half a mcmuffin, orange hair, one shoe and a friendly german man. Tequila was a brilliant idea.
I think I'm interested in anyone that recognizes I actually have a pulse
Your cock is gonna weep like a baby
I am never going on a blind date ever again. He drank way too much and kept telling me I had a nice boob. Like.. Singular. What's the other one? The ugly twin?
Can I come over? I respect you, but I want disrespectful things to happen
Is this a drinking picnic?
Is there another kind?
I sent dad a photo of my graduation certificate from drug therapy class. It was his birthday so it seemed appropriate.
drunk in woodshop so don't even say "I SAWWW THIS COMING." I know you're thinking it.
well he never texted me back and the pizza I took my rage out didn't deserve such malice
you ran up to the police and said "fuck the police shit we living in hell ". Then you dropped your Margarita and said "Darby Out" lol
dude. i woke up on a random lawn wearing only my boxers, with all my clothes hung in the branches of a nearby tree... no more shrooms
Randomize
