I just woke up to a lawnchair covered in lipstick. I'm wearing red lipstick. What happened and is the tequila?
Dude, just walked by a homeless guy pissing on the sidewalk while he was screaming at his wang. God, I love this city.
But I'm halfway naked in a seductive pose! I just want to get this right...
Kris Allen: Jason Mraz mixed with John Mayer and a splash of orgasmmm
It was like a spaceship landed and 1000s of hipsters filled up the park
I give out O-faces like they're halloween candy
Finally jerked of with a banana peel.
Eventually evolution will just give us a better liver anyway, so our great great grandkids should THANK us for our binge drinking.
thats what you get for writing a paper after liquor pitchers
its only a rough draft.
we just finished a porn and sex toy shopping spree. this is the fun part of "being serious"
Some chick is drunk waving down a taxi with a slice of pizza.
I tried to show my boob for free volcano tacos at taco bell last night. Not boobs. Just boob. The manager wasn't allowing it.
Ideas I've had tonight: An entire movie based off the Pixar lamp jumping on stuff.
He kept saying "Ayyyyyyy" during foreplay... during sex.... during everything! It felt like I was having sex with friggin Fonzie from Happy Days!
Didn't think I'd be dancing with the Power Rangers but here I am
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