You hook up with other guys, let him talk to other girls.
no
I learned much from the teen babysitter: I can light a cigarette in a microwave.
i just funneled a beer through a mask n snorkel.. can you check that off my bucket list..
last thing I heard her say before I passed out was 'this is great. I never get to be the big spoon.'
I'm wearing a shirt that says "birthday girls #1 homo" ...what has my life come to?
I just wanna be craddled in his arms and spoon fed applesauce..
that's the most romantic thing you've ever said.
He ripped off his socks and ran around the basement barefoot. His feet turned black. Then he chugged Parmesan cheese. He chugged dry cheese dude.
I feel like I should go door-to-door apologizing to America.
Why aren't you two playing Dora the explorer with each other's genitals yet?
She says the reason I don't talk to her is because I'm "emotionally lazy" what ever that means
Oh you know just explaining sexual consent to a drunk 80 year old man. How is this my life?
He's like a sexy bearded lumberjack who likes wine.. I can't lose..
He's throwing Skittles into my cleavage and some are rebounding into my crouch.
Well he's scoring either way then.
I want to find him again. His Corona tank top and I were made for each other.
Always great to be boarding a plane when you realize that what you thought was gas is actually very untrustworthy
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