So, it's like build-a-bear for your vag?
Yeah I'm pretty sure at one point I was telling her to keep her dick in her pants. She was going to do some serious damage.
I'm totally counting that party when he kept putting his hands down my pants as a date.
dude, it should not be this hard to find a bottomless mimosa on a friday morning
But when he came on my stomach I noticed how tan I was!
IDK but this explains my bloody dashboard.
Just stole a goat. Bringing it to your house to cock block. Blame the goat not me.
he just texted me saying he needs a place to stay for the night. pretty sure i just got booty called to my own house...
I swear, he has the body awareness of an acid-tripping quadriplegic.
Hoping to get a pic of me on the tractor with an erection for you one of these days.
There's a girl passed out on the sidewalk at the parade. Its not even 10am. She gave candy to children saying it was ketchup. Still think I have a problem?
The medical term is prolapsed anal walls if you want to look into it with dignity.
I used the phrase "love child of quasimodo and cyclops " in a sentence today.
THIS IS WHAT CELL PHONES ARE FOR! So you can tell me that you're bringing your coworker who lives in the "Halleleuia community" home for a beer SO I'M NOT DRESSED IN LEATHER LINGERIE WHEN HE WALKS IN THE FUCKING DOOR!!
was having sex but got distracted... he instragramed a pic of his crotch
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