1:12am: That's just how i roll, and this dress she is wearing is dirty and needs to get pulled over her head.
My life would be so much easier if i could just ride around in the cash cab all day
Probably, but last night was a special kind of drunk. It was a "let's see how drunk I can get without killing myself" drunk.
She just asked me if her C-section scar turned me on.
I think being a buddhist has made me a better drunk
Do you think the Slutcracker will use the original score? I'll be so sad if they don't.
He said last night that he'd never had such a great conversation and such a great handjob at the same time.
Would you be offended if I asked you to smoke a blunt with me while I pooped?
just mapquested my walk of shame from saturday..bye bye freshman 15
I feel I should make it clear.....I'm not stalking you, I'm stalking ur dick. You don't even need to talk when you get here. At 4am I think we'd both prefer that anyway.
I feel like it'll be a success as long as she doesn't end up dead in a ditch. There has to be a line somewhere.
I don't understand why you aren't on this trip all I do is smoke weed drink beer and get fingered
I've started budgeting for next year. It looks like I'll be crying tears of dollar bills and handing them over to pay back my unholy college debt.
I'm jealous, curious, and aroused. All at the same time.
My job here is done.
I refuse to believe you if you're trying to tell me humanity as a whole isn't sad, tired, and craving Chinese food.
Randomize
