Why don't you ever send me any naked pics
you may be an alcoholic when your drug dealer calls to yell at you for drinking too
i feel like an archaelogyst. im pulling apart last weeks brownies to find the weed in them
is there a reason why there is cup of piss in the fridge?
no
I smelled my fingers after she left and they smelt like sugar cookies. I want that one again.
He was a bulldog and my face was like rare meat. Never again with the drunken ones.
I woke up spooning with a broom that someone taped a mustache too..i need to stop starting my nights by drinking "hangover" wine.
In the wise words of Scar: "be prepared."
Do you think Scar was a Boy Scout?
the amount I squirted last night was insane. Im glad i ignored tlc's advice, i went chasing waterfalls and loved every god damn minute of it.
Lets just put it this way. Im meeting his nana after a mind blowing orgasm.
She was dressed as a banana and told me that I needed more potassium in my diet. Of course I went down on her.
I spent all the money my grandpa gave me for Christmas last night….solid start to 2015
Please tell me you did not shit your Disney princess costume.
He got the life proof phone case so he could jack off in the shower without his wife knowing
She blew me while I watched the jets game and the hardest thing was deciding what to focus on more
Randomize
