Ha Ha the cop that just pulled me over would like me to tell you hi!
please come get me his dick is out. i'm sitting on his couch and his dick is out. come now
if tampons were more like dildos the world would be a better place
please tell me you didn't have sex with him in the bathroom...
Does an alley count?
You fuck like a mechanic. That is the universe telling you that is your true calling. Take this as a sign.
I've injured myself in such a way that i am only capable of making love standing up now
She had a cast on when I met her, but she blamed me for breaking her arm this morning. I'm gonna marry this girl.
I just gave myself a sponge bath with your sock. I hope you don't mind.
You were sitting in a chair and you said "I just feel like a little fishy, floooooating through the ocean, so pretty"
So, I without a doubt haven't used the bag I'm now carrying since we were dating. Just had to discreetly throw out an unopened magnum in a bus station.
I gave a handjob to the beat of uptown fuck last night
Headphones came off my phone same time as The Weeknd sang "Who's gonna fuck you like me?"...Everyone at work heard it.
Is there evidence of another human being getting away with this/ not dying?
I serenaded the cat in the hat for a few 90s songs but idk who he is
Who's phone is in my pants and why did I wake up clutching a handle of vlad?
Randomize
