in the bathroom helping her wash cum out her eye. pretty much explains my sex life
he's 25, hott, and leaving for iraq tuesday, i wanna get in as much as possible...
your life is a nick sparks novel waiting to happen
My favorite part was walking in the bathroom, you fixing yourself in the mirror, calling your reflection a fag, then throwing a haymaker into the paper towel dispenser before going back out to the bar.
just ran into my gynecologist at the liquor store... i think she's found the source of my problems
I stole an ensure out of their fridge and started chugging it. That was when Maria made me leave.
I opened my package from my mom today. She put four bottles of tequila in the bottom under my ducky slippers. She knows me way to well.
He broke up with his gf yesterday so he could give me our annual Christmas sex at midnight.
Marry him. Now.
It was the best present I've gotten since I was 5 and I got a fucking easy bake oven. I'm not pregnant for realsies. Celebratory party at the house tonight. Invite all the nice dicks you know.
Anal and Aoki tickets...I'd say I give pretty good Valentines Day gifts.
finally remembered how I know that chick in my history class. she made and fed me ramen when I was wasted!
She saves ONE person's life while blacked out and now she's positive anything can be done "while fucking hammered"
that's just what you get for learning massage techniques from gay porn
HE LEFT ME THE DAY AFTER I LET HIM PEE ON ME. If you date him after that, I'll leave the fucking PLANET.
I will 100% jerk off using my own tears as lube before I'd ever bang a 4.
I found Erin. She's getting a back massage from the coat check boy and drinking all his whiskey.
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