I don't think ill make it tonight the floor wont let me walk
I just remembered that last night when we tried to walk off the spins you said "pretend i'm your pet dinosaur" so i walked you around on an invisible leash while you made t-rex hissing noises.
Katie is reenacting me jizzing in her eye via emoticons...
I was watching truelife I'm transgendered. This tranny already got a date a week after getting a vagina. I've had a vagina my entire life and can't get a date.
I just found out my favorite drunk show, Repo Men, is just reenactments. I can't express through words my disappointment.
sweetheart all i remember is you throwing up and saying "i thought things would be better now that barack obama is president"
They're like penises that have been put in a blender.
He came in my nose, then said it would help clear my sinuses.
Just walked in on my older brother getting a bj. He told the girl to "keep going" and then attempted to high five me
I want him to come over and snuggle with me but put a bag over his head. Is that rude?
It's not rude if you use a pillowcase that's softer.
Well... first you killed the girls goldfish, then you shoved her face in your armpit, made her cry, got kicked out, ate your cigarettes, and passed out in her driveway. Pretty successful night if you ask me
I paid your brother in tostitos to drive me home.
I cancelled the entertainment for your b-day party.... Keep the bouncy castle just in case.
What's life without a pregnancy scare?
I was giving him head and he slipped one of those hats with propellors on top on my head.
Randomize
