my little brother just caught me blowing my step cousin in the lobby bathroom at our family reunion
He honestly told me my belt was "supercute" when we started hooking up. I would be the girl to find the only straight man in the world that uses the word "supercute".
Facebook stalking a girl from Germany is harder then you think.you have to copy and paste all this shit into freetranslations.com then try and piece together an awkward sentence. If only I could put this energy into something productive.
So if a 2 is a 10 on the road... do we consider college to be "on the road?" help. its urgent.
my mouth is as dry as a post-menopausal camel on antidepressant's vagina.
Jake and I will do a protection ritual for ur dick I don't know where she has been
I plan on having so much gay sex in our house while you gone.
Chose not to courtesy flush and the CEO huffed the result. I feel powerful.
Naw. I'm tired and I'd have to shave my legs. I doubt the sex or the company would be worth it.
You were just so carefree! People were like, "there's broken glass everywhere" and you were just like, IDGAFFFFFFF
I WOULD SERIOUSLY RECOMMEND THE SHIT THAT I AM ON RIGHT NOW
I feel like I should be having more sex dreams of my boyfriend than his sister..
You were cussing me out in sign language, and slurring your signs.
That's some kind of record drunk there...
Just find a separated / divorcing man. They’re too upset to fall in love, too helpless to be alone and too horny to think straight. Smile at him the right way and he’ll be thrilled to be with a sexy younger woman!
I cam home to find him twitching on the floor, surrounded by unopened condoms and covered in cranberry sauce (yes I tasted it) while Thundercats was playing.
Randomize
