I painted my nails silver
And what are the implications of that?
Is there supposed to be a msg in that? Just thought ud like to know it looks like I fingerbanged an alien
Pretty sure my dad just walked in on me jerking off watching guys on webcam. Remember how I used to say "most awkward day of my life?" I'm retiring that phrase.
I woke up this morning with a bag of pepperonis in my bed.... and my facebook status was "pepperonis"
he asked you how you felt and you yelled "I FEEL SO PROACTIVE!" and started coloring with sharpies
Desperately trying not to throw up over the side of the ferry back to CT. Can't be the first one of the season.
Cavemen vs astronauts. weapons to be determined. Who would win?
Sweet and genuine is kinda lame. I'm more of a bust all over your face and hair kinda guy.
Uhm the hair is off limits bro, conditioner can only go so far.
Bro? You just made it a target.
On a side note Tyler is buying beer from a gas station in a panda suit priceless
I'm sorry, but the "Hobbit Slam" has to be a sex move.
I am sending my doctor an XXXMas card thanking him for my tits!
Who ever is in the stall next to me is crying and it sounds like they're doing massive amounts of blow too. Finals for your ass huh.
I fill condoms, not promises.
Every person I've ever had sex with is in Chipotle right now.
he yelled at me like a drill sergeant while I quickly tried to take off my pants
My ex boyfriend literally just asked "who needs porn?". This is EXACTLY why I dumped his ass.
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