When you gave me the first bj i thought 'yep, this girl is going to do great things with her life'
so, I mean this in the straightest way possible, but don't you ever just feel like you owe Jon Stewart a blowjob...
he broke up with her mid blow job, and somehow convinced her to finish. I want his life
I told him I had to grab my Swedish fish from the car before they froze. Then I just left. But the fact that he knew how important it was not to have my fish freeze almost made me come back in....almost.
In honor of the internet blackout, I think everyone needs to change their Facebook pictures to ones of them being blacked out.
all law school has taught me so far is how to fart quietly during lectures and how to out-argue the ice cream guy when he screws me out of extra toppings.
Dude, seduce him with cookies. You almost turned me gay with scones. Don't be surprised when they get you laid.
He really thought ahead and just left the tequila in the mail box for late night pickup. Best. Friend. Ever.
But once you explained how to fill cupcakes with semen I realize you were harmless and right on my level.
What was the point of renting a $600 trolley if no one even remembers going to the first bar?
I have been drunk every time I've gone to mexico. I do not remember mexico.
My phone just said I texted someone at 430a and said let's fight. Then I texted them an hour later and said thanks.
Under no circumstances is tits McGee to make that kind of decision about my life!
Hydrocodon makes you feel like a fairy made out of pudding
EMERGENCY SUBJECT CHANGE. SHE DOESN'T KNOW.
Randomize
