i wish starbucks made bloody marys
I had to remind him that there is no "age exchange rate" between the u.s. and spain, and that 16 will always equal 16
if my college career had corporate sponsors, they would be natty light and aim toothpaste.
i woke up to find out i shared my bed with a full, open can of natty light last night and didnt spill it. then i drank it for breakfast.
I used a physics textbook to prop her up so she wouldn't choke on her vomit...see I have learned something from statics class.
It would be been irresponsible not to make cleaning the apartment into a drinking game
ask me again when I'm sobewr aka tuesday
my roommate had a few special brownies and wrapped my purse and one of my shoes and left them under the tree for me...
You have to sext the same way you right a resume, you can only use active verbs
Nothing like coaching 5 year olds with a bunch of visible bruises from last night's drunk bondage sex.
He drives a tundra! Of course I fucked him. Im just saying eventually im going to need help moving and he has a nice truck. Its like thank you for later on
I have a magical vagina and I can't deny it anymore
He put rainforest music on before we had sex I felt like I was in the Amazon
I used to sleep with a guy on the USA rugby team... He stole my credit card and my Hitman DVD. I'm more upset about the Hitman DVD..
Nothing like a dick pic from your fave ex to make you audibly exhale sadly.
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