How was Slumdog? Did it pull your heartstrings?
It was entertaining. Better than most other Mexican films.
Is making out on a toilet while he is sitting down and pissing weird? cause that's what happened last night
the best days in LIFE are when you realize you arent pregnant
Your lack of a response has proven you've clearly forgotten how crazy I am.
I hate that he uses me for something other than sex. What does he think I am? His girlfriend? Ha.
Do I need to take a photo of my sister's enlarged and disgustingly dark nipples to scare you into protection? DO I?
There's a dead squirrel in the freezer. Is that what you stopped to get out of the road last night?
He unbuckled his belt, tipped his hat at me, then told me to "saddle up"
this is like your 5th cowboy right? where do you keep finding these guys?!!
it says 'tasty bitch' in sharpie on my tits...
Within the span of 10 minutes, I managed to make a slip 'n slide on his stomach, threatened to pee on him, kneed myself in the eye, and almost fell asleep on the toilet....in that order.
I wound up gambling on giant connect four with the bartender. I think he saw my boobs.
I did a kegel this morning to determine if I had been penetrated during last night's blackout. Nope.
If you got me high enough to laugh at a ceiling fan until I shat my pants you should at least have the decency to buy me another pair
You still owe me one bodily function mess clean up.
You pee on the floor one time and you never hear the end of it...
Woke up at 8am and asked if she had coffee.... She handed me a shot of tequila...
Randomize
