Holy shit! This guy had his hands and feet handcuffed and was scooting across the interstate and we almost hit him because it was so dark. I hate Louisiana.
So ps i'm not pregnant with any athletes illegitimate children : )
Have you ever seen a 300 pound pregnant lady's boob fall out of her shirt cuz she's not wearing a bra? I have.
I wish i could clap on, clap off my penis
Discovered the secret to willingly attending my 3-o'clock class. Ahoy, Cap'n.
Note: fake nails and fingering anus.... Not a good idea
you assured me you'd make it home safe because your pizza rolls were waiting up for you.
When he came downstairs he looked at me like I was attempting to rob his house.
Did you reintroduce yourself?
He threatened to call the cops.
I'm gonna take my bong and hot box the pirate ship in the daycare playground.
Using a joint as a bookmark. What is my life?
Hypothetical Question: Would you take a cougar bullet for me?
Need to spend sober time with him while fully clothed. I can't decide if he's a seriously amazing man or a complete fucking dickbag.
This is me not judging you for what a fine line you draw between the two.
I need more social interactions that don't involve sex
No, it's ok. He's Greek. To him I'm just a light drinker, not an alcoholic.
Like, when both of your dads are drag queens you're bound to have some amazing Halloween makeup
Randomize
