The dr is doing well, he randomly asked if I was bi
Just remembered I told my boss that matt used to make me toss his salad like every time we hooked up. Nice
I opened up her dishwasher and all I found was a spoon, a juice glass and all her sex toys.
legit been throwing up since 7am. told my parents the two bowls of puke in my dorm were soup
I don't care how ugly she is, I can't turn down a free movie +bj. In this economy that's downright irresponsible
Got a basket, 50 condoms, some candy, 100 plastic eggs & my bunny costume. Campus will feel my wrath in 2 weeks
Awww. A guy on the train just took his coat off so his girlfriend could throw up into it. Who says chivalry is dead?
The stripper on stage Is eating a mozzarella stick while on the pole....that's a new level of I don't give a fuck
No fucking idea. Just paid for my chipotle in chocolate coins, though. Either there is a huge language barrier happening here, or my big boobs are finally paying off.
Definately laid on the floor of the shower this morning drinking the water as it fell on me.
Please can we have sex in this office for old times sake
why the fuck is there hamburger meat in the toaster. i repeat: WHY THE FUCK IS THERE HAMBURGER MEAT IN MY NEW TOASTER
No idea who's grandma but people were just running around naked
And with the bitter taste of failure in my mouth, i am off to pub to drown it in tequila and 19 year olds, so in the morning i can add pregnancy and stds to my list of problems.
Honestly his girlfriend says she hates me cause she thinks im trying to get him to cheat on her with me...she should hate me cause i already accomplished that.
Randomize
