i was just lookin through my fb pics and i think im with a cat in like 40% of them..: how sad is my life
why do my parents always seem to be having way more sex than i do?
I wish I loved anything like you love Tequila.
I'm sorry I didn't make it out, I got distracted by sparkley boobies.
I need to figure out what I wanna do with my life.
There are margaritas in the freezer still.
No, I think it was the night I threw up in her front yard. You're thinking of the time I threw up in her backyard.
You wouldn't know anything about the tooth on ice in my freezer would you?
I have to think about this realistically and not with my vagina.
I'm the brains and you're the boobs of this operation.
Got stiff armed by the garbage man on the back of the truck...I just wanted to ride one block dude
I'm ordering sushi and crying over finals. Come over and bring wine.
I woke up to some strange woman rubbing peanut butter on my thighs
He got me off while watching hockey. He's a keeper.
I opened the bathroom door and the starting point gaurd was eating out my art history professor
Speaking of dumpster fires, your ex tried to add me on Facebook
Randomize
