Anal astronaut?
Wow word travels fast.
New record: 45 minutes. Afterwards I played We Are The Champions while we cuddled.
He told me to fart on his lap because the vibrations turned him on
Yeah the sex got weird after I said "who's your daddy?" and she actually moaned her dads name.
Word to the wise: do not smoke before going grocery shopping with only 12 bucks. So stressful.
Hey welcome to Rick's drunk text tree. Rick is drunk right now please respond with "shut up" to remove your name from this list. Thanks for playing.
now that im off birth control, the world is a much scarier place
He's almost as awesome as vicodin.
Can i tell him you said that? Cuz i know that means a lot coming from you
I would have screamed and cried and bled and shit and then died. Fuck that guy.
Big girls don't cry they get day drunk
you were making out with a guy that looked like Fat Albert, I kicked you in the vagina but you didn't stop
I'm still working on figuring out my birthday blowjob schedule. I'd love to just have all three of them get in there but I get the feeling they wouldn't like that.
You wouldn't believe how many pro-life stickers, and "show us your tits" signs there are between here and Dallas.
The hat, the beard, the hard posing - like who does he think he is?
A bag of dicks
That's dating life
She wants to have a threesome with Taylor Swift. I think this is the kind of love my grandparents spoke of.
Randomize
