I got my nipple pierced! I love it so much!
Well, there goes breastfeeding.
there's a booger on my laptop, i suspect it's yours
I just counted my steps so I know when you start looking for you on my way back from the bathroom
You know how us drunks love counting steps
I just googled "buy xanax online". What is wrong with my life?
my passenger side seat is covered in alcoholic jello with a nude mannequin in it
please hurry. your mom just evil laughed to herself in the kitchen like she's plotting my death.
Dude its barely eleven am and there is already a firetruck and ambulance at the shamrock...happy st paddys day
Our adventure is going to pick up his pipe and weed that he ditched when he got pulled over the other day.
HOT DATE.
it's like her boobs came off with her bra
the trick is not to think about where her tounge has been.
You stood up gave the stripper 15 ones in a wad, hugged her and then sat back down.
I can't be held responsible for my own vagina. Let's just be honest here.
I asked a lamppost to be my valentine. Also: I'm wearing a sombrero. We need more sombrero in our lives.
So this is what you do on your hungover days off put your balls into an egg carton?
Your shit was massive.
I'm not 100% sure how to respond to that.
If you were in a "who has the massivest shit contest", you'd win by a landslide.
Randomize
