I had a long pep-talk with my penis that ended in "I love you, I'll try harder and I'm sorry."
You really need to take down the pics of you and your boyfriend on facebook. It's becoming increasingly harder to jerk off while i'm Facebook stalking your pics at 2am.
Seriously, stop peeing all over the toilet seat. It looks like movie theatre butter.
This kid is drunk.
I hope by "this kid" you mean yourself and not some child you have kidnapped and gotten wasted.
This is working out surprisingly well considering it started out with us using a christmas tree as a battering ram
I was more concerned about the amount of mcdonalds fries on the floor around me than i was with my lack of clothes.
Overdraft my account again. Parents are starting to ask questions. What would go over better a gambling or drug addiction??
I refuse to have sex with you and your eBay condoms.
I'm not saying Tijuana was a bad idea, I'm saying that we make poor life choices. And Steve was robbed by the police.
I sent him an 18 page sext. He's going to have a good morning.
She took one look at my hardon and said, "You have a dick built for anal."
That wasn't a compliment.
At my eighteen year old cousin's wedding. Getting hit on by a 9 year old. No one knows who he came with. I'm pretty sure he just showed up from the field behind the church. Help.
Well, my breasts are swollen and I cried about the Iditarod. But I say PMS until proven pregnant.
If he doesn't fuck you on the 4th of July, he doesn't really love this country.
Hey, Would it be ok if me and your wife have a ladies only night and masturbated on FaceTime together?
Randomize
